38 Gameweeks – I Want to Beat my Son in English Premier League Fantasy Football

March 1, 2010

Cheeky Backheel apologizes for not updating her football score sooner. No, she wasn’t hung over from celebrating Canada’s exciting win in Olympic men’s hockey. The hockey universe unfolded as it should and Canada once again “owns” hockey. Cheeky is not a hockey fan (professional hockey she deems “thugs on ice”), but feared her citizenship would be revoked if she didn’t watch.

Anyway, back to the beautiful game. Cheeky managed to scrape together 44 points — not one of her better weeks. She’s still in first place, but isn’t happy with her drop overall. Drogba was a non-performer, of all things! Too many yellow cards sunk her midfield and defence scores. Bah! Son of Cheeky Backheel did even worse – 32 points. Annoying all round.

February 26, 2010

Well, Cheeky’s back is in worse shape than her team this week. Poor Cheeky. However, whenever she wants a boost, she looks at her scores — a little ray of sunshine. And then into every life must fall some rain, she looks at the schedule this week. Jeez. Four players out. Who to sell? Who to keep?

It’s probably a no-brainer to see that she has to sell Bramble (finally!) and probably Valencia, although that thought hurts. Time for Cheeky to apply her magic touch…that is, flipping a coin. Crossing her fingers and toes. Burning a photo of Ronaldo. Just trying to appease the football gods.

Ok, for better, but hopefully not for worse, my team:

Hart

Agger Dawson(Tot) RJohnson Dunne

Fabregas Pienaar N’Zogbia Duff Eagles

Drogba© Bent

Bench: Sorensen  Evra Dunne Rooney

February 24, 2010

Rooooooneeeeey! Thank you! 98 points this week, which has hoisted Cheeky into 602nd place overall and fifth of all Canadians playing in the fantasy league. Cheeky feels quite dizzy at these heights. Oh, yes, and she remains in first place by nearly 130 more than her nearest mini-league rival. Chocolate on the house!

February 23, 2010

Come on, Rooney! Go medieval on West Ham!

Cheeky has a healthy 55 points so far, but can always use more.

February 19, 2010

Aaarrrgghhh! Cheeky just dodged a bullet. Her finger was hovering over the transfer button, which would have ushered Nani to the door and welcomed Diaby back into the team, when some mysterious force stopped her. As if guided by unseen forces, Cheeky checked the latest football news and [cue the thunder clap] read that Diaby was out injured for the week. Wow! Talk about guardian angels wearing football kit!

What to do now? Cheeky conferred with her peers, played some scenarios and decided to gamble on Valencia (who after all does have a double gameweek) for red-carded Nani. But what striker to bring in for Tevez, who is still in Argentina on compassionate leave? All the alternatives seem so ….. blah. Poor Cheeky. Just couldn’t decide. Finally, she just decided to play it safe and brought in Bent.

Cheeky’s team — come on, boys, bring home the points:

Sorensen

Evra Dawson Dunne

Fabregas N’zogbia Valencia Duff

Rooney(c) Bent Drogba

Bench: Hart, Bramble, RJohnson, Eagles

February 18, 2010

Well, Cheeky didn’t rise in the overall tables, but she managed to hold on to first place in her mini-league despite Bramble’s injury and Tevez’s absence. So, Cheeky’s total? 53 points. Sigh. N’zogbia did her proud, however, and gave Cheeky more points to save the week from total embarrassment. Ok, into planning her revival for the next gameweek!

February 17, 2010

Cheeky is on the mend, but her points are still sickly. Gained 2 more yesterday for a grand total of 46. Wigan game today. C’mon Bramble!

February 12, 2010

This double gameweek has been eventful and not in a good way. First, Nani got a red card. Then Cheeky pinched a nerve in her back. And then she heard that Tevez (her captain) had dropped everything (including the responsibility for earning more points for Cheeky on Tuesday) and flew off to Argentina to be with his wife who just had their second child. How could he! Ouch, ouch, Cheeky tried to shake her fist at the soccer gods and just aggravated her back.

Cheeky has only gained 44 points so far compared to the 55 points gained by her nearest rival. Sorensen, Bramble and N’Zogbia better bring home the bacon on Wednesday, or Cheeky’s goose is cooked…to badly mix some metaphors.

February 7, 2010

Here we go again! Cheeky would like some time to rest on her laurels … again. 75 points this gameweek, highest in my league, solidifying first place once more. Overall 1546 points and in 6th(!) place out of 15,400+ of all Canadians playing Fantasy EPL. Forget about about beating Son of Cheeky Backheel, I am leaving all those y0ung men in my mini-league in the dust.

However, no time for gloating, gameweek 26 is fast upon us. Jeez louise, deadline is February 9! Cheeky has to do some fast thinking. Bench Duff? Sell Duff? He’s done bugger all lately. Or sell Eagles? And who to captain? Cheeky needs chocolate to fire up the ole fantasy football synapses.