38 Gameweeks – I Want to Beat my Son in English Premier League Fantasy Football

May 10, 2010

Cheeky triumphant!

Well, the fantasy dust has settled and Cheeky Backheel has emerged wiser, battle-worn and still IN FIRST PLACE in her mini-league! Thanks to Drogba’s hat trick, Cheeky’s first place was assured. Cheeky’s rank overall was 1, 980 out of 2.3 million other players, with Cheeky finishing the season with 2417 points. In the league featuring over 15,000 Canadians, she placed 16^th. As well, in her two head-to-head leagues, she also finished first. Ah, Cheeky your strategy of mirroring your rival’s possession of Lampard, even though it meant selling Malouda and Evra this week, was inspired.

Chocolate on the house to all Cheeky’s admirers and supporters! Let the wild rumpus begin as the celebrations rock the fantasy world. Cheeky has prevailed.

On a more serious note, Cheeky wants to announce her retirement from fantasy football. She has had a lot of fun, learned lots, sweated for hours over her team selection ignoring her nearest and dearest, took the competition a little too seriously by the end, and enjoyed beating her son and all other young men in her mini-league a little too much. Will they ever recover from the mental scars of being beat by Cheeky Backheel, mother of Son of CB?

However, participating in this wonderful competition rather skewed Cheeky’s allegiance to Manchester United. For example this week, Cheeky found herself hoping that Drogba would score big and Rooney (whom she defines as god) maybe not so much. This was like a knife in her guts … she found herself making deals with the soccer gods: ok, Drogba can score, but Chelsea must lose the game, and please let many Man United players score, but maybe not Rooney, and win the game. These thoughts put Cheeky into an almost existential bind. She felt such shame, especially when her little heart leapt when she heard Rooney exited at 70 minutes. She felt ripped apart … elation that her rival wouldn’t reap more points and deep guilty dread that Rooney was badly injured. Fantasy football-induced schizophrenia has been a nearly constant companion over the season. Cheeky is now looking forward to resting on her laurels, having a relaxing World Cup, and whole heartedly cheering on Man United next year to the title (Chelsea is only keeping it warm for a little while).

Adieu, kind friends, adieu.

May 8, 2010

Cheeky is very nervous. Very nervous. Last gameweek. Will she prevail?

Cheeky’s strategy was to match her nearest rival’s choice of Lampard … at great expense. She sold Malouda and Evra to buy him and give him the captain’s armband…exactly what her rival has done.

Come on, boys, do the deed, make Cheeky’s day!

Hart

Dunne Baines Dawson

Nani Lampard(c) Arteta AYoung

Tevez Drogba Defoe

Bench: Sorensen RJohnson Ridgewell Bullard

May 6, 2010

Well, Cheeky, Cheeky, Cheeky. Cheeky scored 86 points in gameweek 37, which gives her a 32 point lead over her nearest rival! Cheeky is still in first place even though Defoe was miserable, but luckily everyone else performed very well. The football gods must have had an ear set to Cheeky’s frequency, and despite her voicebox problems, was heard.

And now into serious strategizing for the last game. Who will be chosen to do the victory lap for Cheeky’s team on the last day?

April 30, 2010

Somehow Cheeky has found the will to live. And with this new spirit, she has prevailed, made her choices, chosen her team. Bent out for Defoe; AYoung out for AJohnson. Please don’t let the bench Bent at your peril curse find me!

Cheeky burned offerings to the football gods — may the spirits of football heroes past, present and future bless her team.

Stand and be counted, men, Cheeky needs points!

Hart

Evra Baines Dawson

Malouda Nani AJohnson Arteta

Tevez(c) Defoe Drogba

Bench: Sorensen, RJohnson, Bullard, Dunne

April 29, 2010

Cheeky is sweating her team choices. I know, not a pretty image. However, give Cheeky a break. She has been labouring under a real handicap. Her brain is fogged due to jet lag plus laryngitis. It is very quiet in the Backheel household except for Cheeky’s quiet whispers of despair as she tries to out think her rival. Not even the thought of chocolate is calming the anxieties of indecision.