38 Gameweeks – I Want to Beat my Son in English Premier League Fantasy Football

May 10, 2010

Cheeky triumphant!

Well, the fantasy dust has settled and Cheeky Backheel has emerged wiser, battle-worn and still IN FIRST PLACE in her mini-league! Thanks to Drogba’s hat trick, Cheeky’s first place was assured. Cheeky’s rank overall was 1, 980 out of 2.3 million other players, with Cheeky finishing the season with 2417 points. In the league featuring over 15,000 Canadians, she placed 16^th. As well, in her two head-to-head leagues, she also finished first. Ah, Cheeky your strategy of mirroring your rival’s possession of Lampard, even though it meant selling Malouda and Evra this week, was inspired.

Chocolate on the house to all Cheeky’s admirers and supporters! Let the wild rumpus begin as the celebrations rock the fantasy world. Cheeky has prevailed.

On a more serious note, Cheeky wants to announce her retirement from fantasy football. She has had a lot of fun, learned lots, sweated for hours over her team selection ignoring her nearest and dearest, took the competition a little too seriously by the end, and enjoyed beating her son and all other young men in her mini-league a little too much. Will they ever recover from the mental scars of being beat by Cheeky Backheel, mother of Son of CB?

However, participating in this wonderful competition rather skewed Cheeky’s allegiance to Manchester United. For example this week, Cheeky found herself hoping that Drogba would score big and Rooney (whom she defines as god) maybe not so much. This was like a knife in her guts … she found herself making deals with the soccer gods: ok, Drogba can score, but Chelsea must lose the game, and please let many Man United players score, but maybe not Rooney, and win the game. These thoughts put Cheeky into an almost existential bind. She felt such shame, especially when her little heart leapt when she heard Rooney exited at 70 minutes. She felt ripped apart … elation that her rival wouldn’t reap more points and deep guilty dread that Rooney was badly injured. Fantasy football-induced schizophrenia has been a nearly constant companion over the season. Cheeky is now looking forward to resting on her laurels, having a relaxing World Cup, and whole heartedly cheering on Man United next year to the title (Chelsea is only keeping it warm for a little while).

Adieu, kind friends, adieu.

May 8, 2010

Cheeky is very nervous. Very nervous. Last gameweek. Will she prevail?

Cheeky’s strategy was to match her nearest rival’s choice of Lampard … at great expense. She sold Malouda and Evra to buy him and give him the captain’s armband…exactly what her rival has done.

Come on, boys, do the deed, make Cheeky’s day!

Hart

Dunne Baines Dawson

Nani Lampard(c) Arteta AYoung

Tevez Drogba Defoe

Bench: Sorensen RJohnson Ridgewell Bullard

May 6, 2010

Well, Cheeky, Cheeky, Cheeky. Cheeky scored 86 points in gameweek 37, which gives her a 32 point lead over her nearest rival! Cheeky is still in first place even though Defoe was miserable, but luckily everyone else performed very well. The football gods must have had an ear set to Cheeky’s frequency, and despite her voicebox problems, was heard.

And now into serious strategizing for the last game. Who will be chosen to do the victory lap for Cheeky’s team on the last day?

April 30, 2010

Somehow Cheeky has found the will to live. And with this new spirit, she has prevailed, made her choices, chosen her team. Bent out for Defoe; AYoung out for AJohnson. Please don’t let the bench Bent at your peril curse find me!

Cheeky burned offerings to the football gods — may the spirits of football heroes past, present and future bless her team.

Stand and be counted, men, Cheeky needs points!

Hart

Evra Baines Dawson

Malouda Nani AJohnson Arteta

Tevez(c) Defoe Drogba

Bench: Sorensen, RJohnson, Bullard, Dunne

April 29, 2010

Cheeky is sweating her team choices. I know, not a pretty image. However, give Cheeky a break. She has been labouring under a real handicap. Her brain is fogged due to jet lag plus laryngitis. It is very quiet in the Backheel household except for Cheeky’s quiet whispers of despair as she tries to out think her rival. Not even the thought of chocolate is calming the anxieties of indecision.

April 26, 2010

Cheeky finally at Old Trafford, worshiping at the holy shrine, walking in the footsteps of the gods, singing with over 70,000 others: Glory, glory Man United… life doesn’t get much better. And then to see Ryan Giggs sink two penalties…priceless.

Cheeky’s weekend would have been complete if her team would have performed better. Who knew Drogba wouldn’t have contributed to one of Chelsea’s 7 goals. Cheeky amassed 85 points, but her rival scored more. Cheeky is in real trouble as her rival is now within 10 points of her lead. Sigh. And pass the chocolate.

April 23, 2010

Cheeky has been AWOL here. But she has a good excuse. Cheeky is preparing to train to Manchester and attend the Man United v Tottenham game! Her heart is beating faster as she turns toward Manchester.

Cheeky had to make some quick decisions for her team due to packing and saying farewells to Son of Cheeky Backheel. Here’s her team:

Hart

Evra Baines Dunne

Malouda AYoung Nani Arteta

Drogba(c) Tevez Bent

Bench: Sorensen, Bullard, RJohnson Dawson

April 19, 2010

The game was fun! Craven Cottage is small, but could see the pitch and players really well. So, fun is fun, but my fantasy team if faltering as the finish line looms. I only made 53 points and my lead diminished to 30 points. Cheeky is sad, but holding her head high.

April 17, 2010

Ok, in a rush. Cheeky is preparing to go out to Craven Cottage to see her first “live” EPL game. I did what anyone would expect – got rid of Torres and Arteta and brought in Bent and A. Young (Aston Villa) and gave him the armband.

Here’s the team:

Sorensen

Baines RJohnson Dunne

Malouda A Young(c) Etherington Bullard

Tevez Bent Drogba

Bench: Hart Diaby Dawson Evra

April 16, 2010

Well, it’s obvious who Cheeky needs to get rid of: Torres and Arteta. Jeez. What a waste of points. And now to confer with all and sundry to get the right guys in. Stay tuned.

April 16, 2010

41 points this gameweek and lucky to get them …. Torres and Arteta not appearing and low scoring. Cheeky is hanging onto first place by her lovely pink fingernails.

April 10, 2010

Sorry to be so late in team details, but Cheeky is in a dither! Getting ready to leave for England to see Son of Cheeky Backheel (I’ll behave and not gloat … too much). Old Trafford, here we come.

However, in between packing decisions (chocolate? check!), did the necessary … Bendtner to Torres and Pienaar to Bullard.  Fingers and toes crossed that Arteta and Drogba play … please!

Sorensen

Evra Baines Dunne

Etherington Arteta Malouda Bullard

Drogba(c) Torres Tevez

Bench: Hart, RJohnson Dawson Diaby

April 6, 2010

Ok, here are a few problems perplexing Cheeky this week: Arteta’s health; Diaby’s benchwarming; Dawson’s injury; Drogba’s hernia. And then add in the uncertainty of Rafa’s team choices and no wonder Cheeky is getting her reoccuring “fantasy football” headache.

March 25, 2010

Bloody Aston Villa players! Bah. Milner is out, out, out of Cheeky’s team for gameweek 32. Cheeky got 100 points this week (thank you, Mr. Drogba, Rooney and Bendtner), but her nearest rival got 125. It has been explained to Cheeky that this rival would have to score 25 points more than her for the next 5 games to beat her. Cheeky feels icy fingers around her heart.

March 22, 2010

Wow! After some Saturday disappointments, Cheeky was relieved to see she has 53 points so far, with 7 more players yet to kick the ball around the pitch this gameweek. Nearest rival? 1 point ahead. AND Man United beat Liverpool …. the icing on the ole cake!

March 19, 2010

Cheeky was surprised in the end that team selection was so easy. This is making her feel uneasy. Flying fickle finger of fate time?

So, you may ask, what were Cheeky’s thought processes? Well, what teams with double gameweeks were her preoccupation … but Chelsea’s set stood out. Cheeky decided early on in the week to transfer Torres out and Drogba in before price rises, which was a good trade: Torres went down and Drogba went up by 4 points!

Then all week Cheeky hemmed and hawed and thought about taking another hit for 4 points and then said, No! Gameweek 32 is going to be one big headache, save the extra point hits for then. So, here’s Cheeky’s team:

Hart (Sorensen)

RJohnson Dunne Baines (Evra, Dawson)

Fabregas Pienaar Milner Diaby (Lee)

Rooney Bendtner Drogba(c)

7 players have a double gameweek! Roll on!

March 17, 2010

How sweet it is! 99 points this gameweek and a lead over my nearest rival by 145 points. Yes!!! Cheeky high-5s herself and awards herself for good job done with ….. chocolate, of course. Son of Cheeky Backheel? Well, never too late, but a sweet and doomed try to take his league standing more seriously. SCB achieved 76 points, which keeps him in ninth place.

March 15, 2010

In a word …. TORRES! His two goals and two assists has brought Cheeky’s score up to 84 with Milner and Dunne to play tomorrow. Cheeky has patted herself on the back so often, she’s getting sore.

March 14, 2010

Cheeky is hanging in there despite a frightful showing on Saturday. Bendtner saved me from total humiliation and Milner, as feared, did bugger all. However, Rooney, whom some are now calling the White Pele or the Manchester Maradonna, still reigns supreme. Cheeky now has 67 points against over 70 gained by her nearest rival (who has Drogba, Malouda and Lampard — which struck fear in my heart when I saw his line up). Come on, Torres!

March 12, 2010

Another double gameweek! Cheeky is beginning to loathe the concept. The main team to focus on is Aston Villa, which is influencing Cheeky to bring in Milner … who will probably underperform. And who to captain? Rooney or Torres? What a dilemma.

Cheeky is working on a solution … and working and working.

….Time passing …. Cheeky eating chocolate… Cheeky weighing her options …Cheeky eating MORE chocolate…

Enough, Cheeky is having a sugar high. Here’s my team …. the captain choice was a brain buster to make.

Hart (Sorensen)

Evra Dawson Dunne (RJohnson, Baines)

Lee Diaby Pienaar Milner (Fabregas)

Rooney (c)  Bendtner Torres

March 10, 2010

Ohh, Cheeky. Only 54 points this week. Still in first place in my mini-league, but on shaky ground. Used my wildcard, but was stymied by a non-performance by Torres and low defence men points. Sigh. Cheeky expected a lot more points. Well, onward and upward into gameweek 30.

March 7, 2010

So, I’m sure you’re wondering how the wildcard team fared on Saturday. Well, not bad so far: 33 points, the highest in her mini-league with six players yet to present Cheeky with more points. This is not to say Cheeky didn’t suffer: Fabregas out after scoring in first half, Rooney not playing at all. Sobered Cheeky right up after the Man United win and kept her away from the victory chocolate. [Footnote: Son of Cheeky Backheel? A miserable 2 points so far. Give it up, son!]

March 6, 2010

Cheeky succumbed. She played her wildcard. She worked on her team this way and that way and couldn’t see a good points haul with what she had. Too many of her players were out due to FA Cup games or injury. With a deep sigh, Cheeky laboured on scenario after scenario, only knowing that she really wanted to keep Rooney, Fabregas and Evra for sure. Here’s the result:

Hart (Sorensen)

Evra RJohnson Baines (Dunne, Dawson)

Fabregas(c) Pienaar Lee Valencia (Diaby)

Rooney Bendtner Torres

March 5, 2010

Wildcard? Or not to wildcard? That is the question.

March 2, 2010

Well, if Cheeky thought that gameweek 28 was bad…now, here’s gameweek 29. Jeesh. Fielding 11 good players is going to be a challenge: Chelsea, Tottenham, Fulham and Aston Villa not playing, so 4 players out PLUS Agger is injured. Wild card time? Maybe not. Hard to find good point gainers with the money I have compared with the astronomical prices of  good players. Rooney better emerge unscathed from the England v Egypt game tomorrow. Please.